I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
