he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
