you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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