if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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