1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
