New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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