I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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