Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
