weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
