I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
