Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
