tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
