Can i not drive my cunt home
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
