id be glad to
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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