maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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