My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
