Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
