she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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