why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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