It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
