even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
