We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
