I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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