It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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