i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
