you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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