I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
