My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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