I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
