whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
