My brain says no but my pants say off.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
