I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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