just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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