she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
