She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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