Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would ride that face into the sunset
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