She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
