Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
