the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
