this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
