now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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