As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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