i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
