When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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