omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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