It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
