I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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