He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
