my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
