May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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