some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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