I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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