she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
